Foreign body
by Powdered Fred
Summary: Saiki once again finds himself in a ridiculous situation. Unfortunately he cannot escape this one so easily. Will he stop Voldemort, or will he not bother and focus on leaving the damned place.
1. Chapter 1

As Saiki awoke to the striking of thunder he immediately noticed something wasn't right.

First and foremost he found that he was missing his limiters, while this caught his attention he knew it wouldn't be a problem.

This was due to anomely number two, he appeared to be in a different body. Being in someone elses body meant Saiki couldn't channel all of his power.

Third was his surroundings. A quick check using his clarvoyance revealed that he was on some odd island off the coast of the UK, and in ,apparantly, another dimension. Yeah.

An then another strange fact.

There was currently a rather large brearded man headed towards his location, this on it's own wouldn't be very alarming however Saiki had to factor in that the man was riding a flying motorcycle.

While not a weird senario compared to what he was usually faced with, Saiki had to admit that it managed to surprise him, if only just a little.

Unfortunatlely the shock wared off fast and he was soon in his regular mood of permanant groan.

 _/I can already tell this is going to be a pain. Having read his mind I know he is here for the person who's body I'm in however until I find a way to leave I'm going to have to play along. Either way, I'll attract attention seeing who's body this is/_

No sooner had Saiki finished his train of thought had the Bearded man, who Saiki now knew to be Hagrid, landed and headed straight for the door.

The shoddy wooden door thumps, another person present decided it would be wise to back away. While two other occupants, unwisely, approached the door; the harier of the two with a gun.

With a second bump the door creeks open, and then falls off it's hinges. The burly half man steps through the doorway.

"Ahhh!", a ,very unmanly, scream rips through the heavy atmosphere from the mouth of his 'uncle'.

The walking bread appears sheepish, "Sorry 'bout that." He says as he replaces the door back into the gaping hole in the wall.

"I demand that you leave at once, Sir! You are breaking and entering!"

Hagrid confronts the gun barrel being pointed at him and bends it towards the ceiling. "Dry up, Dursley, you great prune."

A shot rings through the air and all occupants, bar Hagrid and Saiki, scream at the sudden boom.

Hagrid loks over at Dudley, "Mind, I haven't seen you since you was a baby, Harry, but you're a bit more along than I would have expected. Particularly 'round the middle!"

Saiki resists the urge to face-palm.

"I-I-I'm not Harry," Dudley squeaks, " He is!" Pointing at Saiki.

With a loud sigh Saiki steps forward a betrayed expression on his face. _/I was hoping I could avoid being found and lay low until I find a way to get out of here; guess that plan is out of the window/_ Saiki glares at the chubby boy, then looks back to Hagrid with a bored expression. He opens his mouth to speak but Hagrid beats him to it.

"Oh, well, of course you are! Got something for ya. 'Fraid I might have sat on it at some point! I imagine that it'll taste fine just the same. Ahh. Baked it myself." He shoves the cake in to Saiki's hands, "Words and all. Heh."

" Thank you sir, that is awefully generous of you, however I don't belive I know you." He tries to sound as enthusiastic as possible.

Which isn't really all that much.

Nonetheless a smile forms in the sea of beard "It's not every day that your young man turns eleven, now is it?"

The half giant stomps over and plops down on the cauch. The metal frame creeks under his weight. Aiming at the fireplace with his battered umbrella, he casts two sparks and sets the dry-ish wood a flame.

The Dursleys gasp.

Saiki is not amused.

"Who are you?", Vernon demands.

With a glare Hagrid answers "Rubeus Hagrid. Keeper of keys and grounds at Hogwarts. Course, you'll know all about Hogwarts."

Dudley desides now is a good time to speak up again, "Not really no."

 _/Does the universe hate me, really why do you need to know/_. Saiki thinks as Dudley once again ruins his plan to not add fuel to the metaphorical flame.

Of course the half giant is more then happy to answer. "No? Blimey, Harry, didn't you ever wonder where your mum and dad learned it all?"

/ _Why is talking to me all of a sudden?! Okay so apparently I was being too quiet. He thinks I'm shy rather than disinterested./_

"Maybe I would if I ever knew them." He tried again at proving he couldn't really care less.

Hagrid grimaced, while the Dursleys appeared vaguely shocked. _/Damn, apparently I'm not doing a very good job at the whole 'acting' thing. Though it's hard to act like someone you have never seen or heard/_

"Sorry 'bout that my boy," Hagrid apologises warmly.

 _/Not your boy/_

"Well the truth is they were wizards, and as a matter of fact so are you Harry."

A silence ensues. Hagrid keeps his eyes on Saiki to see his reaction, while the Dursleys stare at the man in shock. The stick of a woman quickly bears a scowl but keeps quiet waiting for 'Harry' to speek. Which doen't happen.

/ _It feels strange being addressed by someone else's name/_ He thinks with an impassive expression.

Eventually he decides the silence lasted long enough. _/He'll probably think I'm in denial and will do some annoying thing to prove his point/_

"I'm a what?"

Hagrid smiles again at that. _/Seems I have appeased his vision of Harry./_ "A wizard. And a thumping good one at that, I'd wager. Once you train up a little."

"That can't be possible..." He mumbles as he tries his part at this whole 'expressions' idea. Looking down, squinting slightly. _/Being seaweed in that one school preformance totally made me master the art of acting brainless./_

"Well, Harry, did you ever make anything happen? Anything you couldn't explain when you were angry or scared?"

Saiki assumes yes and so he nods.

"Ah" He hums as he approaches 'Harry' with a letter in his outstretched hand. Reluctantly Saiki takes it. Opening the envelope and reading aloud:

"Dear, Mr. Potter. We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Hogwarts' School of Witchcraft and Wizardry."

"I'm sorry but I'm not interested." As soon as the words left his mouth he knew he wessed up his acting again.

"You're what?" Hagrid asked, eyes wide.

"Not interested, and even if he was he would not be allowed to go!" Petnia interupted.

"Oh, and I suppose a great Muggle like yourself's going to stop him, are you?" The half giant retorted.

/ _Guess he forgot what I just said/_

" I will not pay for some crackpot old fool to teach him magic tricks!" Vernon cut in.

Saiki stepped back just as the man giant pulled an umbrella on his 'uncle'. "Never insult Albus Dumbledore in front of me."

He then notices that Dudley had been eating the long forgotten cake. Re-aiming his umbrella at Dudley's rear he summons a tail which spurts from the boy's coccyx.

The Dursleys then proceed to have a screaming match as they chase after Dudley who is running around in panic.

"Oh, um, I'd appreciate if you didn't tell anyone at Hogwarts about that. Strictly speaking, I'm not allowed to do magic." The half giant scratches his neck seepishly.

"Alright then."

Hagrid glances at a clock, "Ooh, we're a bit behind schedule. Best be off. Unless you'd rather stay, of course. Hmm?"

Inwardly sighing Saiki decides that he should best go. _/Weather I like it or not, these people won't leave me alone untill I go with. Maybe I can complete this duty and be done with it, then focus my efforts on getting back home./_

"Yes, let's go."

-I have nothing to say for myself


	2. Chapter 2

Walking through the streets of London, Saiki had assesed his list of required equiptment for school. Apparantly Hagrid had already planned on getting him an owl, so to avoid another duty among the many he now has had thrust upon him he subtly stated he didn't want any animals.

"Here we are then Harry," The bearded man announces as they reach their destination , The Leaky Cauldrun.

/Sounds like british slang for some sort of health problem/

The aged door is opened and past the flood gate flows the sound of music and chatter along with the scent of food and alchol.

Hagrid leads them into the inn and meanders over to the bar, where he is greated by the keeper.

"Ah, Hagrid! The usual, I presume?"

"No thanks, Tom. I'm on official Hogwarts business today. Just helping young Harry here buy his school supplies."

The mans eyes widen.

"Bless my soul. It's Harry Potter."

Saiki scowls. /Is this going to happen every single time I try to stay discreet, I already have a headache from the sudden noise in everyone's heads/

The pub goes silent. A man comes up and shakes 'Harry's' hand.

"Welcome back, Mr. Potter, welcome back."

/I don't exactly feel very welcome/

A witch comes up and shakes Saiki's hand, as well.

"Doris Crockford, Mr. Potter. I can't believe I'm meeting you at last."

/I've already forgotten your name/

A man in robes with a turban on his head appears. /Why would he approach me, he knows what will happen if he makes contact/

"Harry P-potter. C-can't tell you how pleased I am to meet you."

/I'm sure you're just as delighted as I am. Not at all/

"Hello, Professor. I didn't see you there. Harry, this is Professor Quirrell. He'll be your Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher at Hogwarts." Hagrid explains

Saiki, however, remains silent. He doesn't bother holding his hand out he knows it will be refused.

" F-fearfully fascinating subject. N-not that you need it, e-eh, Potter? Heheh."

/I'm already tired of him and his obnoctious coward act/

" Yes, well we really must be off. Lots to buy." Hagrid answerd for him.

The two leave into a back room winery in front of a brick wall.

Hagrid once again leads them, they exit the building through the back and are face with a brick wall.

"See, Harry, you're famous!" Hagrid exclaims.

/Thrilled/Saiki tries not to roll his eyes (key word tries). Luckly Hagrid didn't seem to notice his slip-up.

/It is at times like this when I appreciate people's obliviousness. Althoughit's not exactly enough for me to see it as redeemable/

The bearded man taps the brick wall clockwise with his umbrella. The blocks shift and open up to reveal a hidden, busy street.

"Welcome, Harry, to Diagon Alley. "

Saiki gazes upon the previously hidden street, wondering why anyone would bother with such dated technology./I bet these people have never even seen a coffee jello machine. They don't know how much they're missing out/

"Here's where you'll get your quills and ink, and over there all your bits and bobs for doing your wizardry." Hagrid explains, still smiling.

They pass by shops with owls and bats soon closing in on a broom store, where a group of boys are crowded around a shiny broom.

"It's a world class racing broom. Look at it, its the new Nimbus 2000! It's the fastest model yet." A , much too exited (in Saiki's opinion anyway), boy declares.

"Well there's your money, Harry. Gringotts, the Wizard Bank. T'aint no place safer, 'cept perhaps Hogwarts." Looking ahead Saiki sees the wanky building.

/Is it bad that I want to see it topple over. No, I don't think so/ He reasons.

The two males enter, they walk down the shiny aisle, passing tiny creatures working.

"These are goblins, Harry. Clever as they come goblins but not the most friendly of beasts. Best stick close to me."

/Don't patronise me/Saiki glares daggers into Hagrid's back, /He still thinks I'm still shy so I guess I can forgive it but why does he feel the need to explain everthing we do/

"Mr. Harry Potter wishes to make a withdrawal."

The goblin looks up, "And does Mr. Harry Potter have his key?"

"Oh. Wait a minute. Got it here somewhere. Hah. Here's the little devil. Oh, and there's something else as well. Professor Dumbledore gave me this. It's about you-know-what in vault you-know-which." Hagrid taks on "very subtly"

/This is why I prefer watching TV more than actually living life.

"Very well."

The goblin leads them over to a mine cart. /Why does this rikety old mine shaft feel like a safer rollercoaster then the one in mom's home town. Maybe it's the lack of wafer/

Racing down the depth caverns in a cartlike structure. The cart stops, the goblin, clambers out.

"Vault 687. Lamp, please." Hagrid hands him the lamp and he walks to the vault "Key please." He is handed the key and procedes to unlock the door.

/That locking mechanism is definitely just for show/

The room is filled nearly top to bottom with coins. /At least they made up for dying on the boy with a hefty heir loom/

"Didn't think your mum and dad would leave you with nothing, now didja?" Hagrid asks, npodding his head sideways towards the money.

/You make it sound like the planned their murder ahead/

Scooping up some money, they exit the vault and move on down the hall.

"Vault 713. Stand back." The vault opens and Saiki was half expecting there to be a goblin conga line in there for some reason. Now he's kind of dissapointed.

Hagrid steps in and swiftly hides the small pakage away in his coat.

"Best not mention this to anyone, Harry."

Saiki shrugs. Somehow that satisfied the half giant. /He is way too trusting. But I guess I am supposed to be the wizarding world's Lord and sasvior or whatever/

Soon the two are back outside. Hagrid speaks up /Because apparantly he can't keep quiet for more than one line/

"You still need a wand; you'll want Ollivanders. No place better. Run along there, I'll wait outside, not much room for me."

/At least he has the sense to aknowledge it/

'Harry' goes into the store; there are shelves of wands, but no people in sight.

Sighing softly (read "groaning loudly") Saiki speaks up.

Did I write speaks? I meant yells at an un-Godly volume.

"OI!"

There is a thunk./The man fell...I have no regrets/ A man appears on a ladder and looks at Saiki. He smiles.

"I wondered when I'd be seeing you, Mr. Potter. It seems only yesterday that your mother and father were in here buying their first wands. Ah. Here we are. " Saiki stands there holding the wand.

/It had suddenly occured to me that I have no actual magical capabilities/

"Well, give it a wave." Olivander said, eager to see the result of his pick.

Saiki decides to improvise. He does as commanded, as he suspected nothing happened. Untill he put on a little light show using his pyrokenisis.

Sparks flying around in, seemingly, co-ordinated chaos.

Olivander stares in wonder. "It's been some time since I got it on my first guess. Congradulations Mr. Potter."

/Gee, thanks, I flicked a piece of wood/

He pays. He leaves. He's done.

-Still nothing to say. I'm writing the next chapter directly after I upload this one.


	3. Chapter 3

Saiki and Hagrid are walking along Kings Cross Station. Some passer-bys stare at Hagrid.

"What're you looking at? " He growls.

/ _I'm wondering myself really/_

"Blimey, is that the time? Sorry, Harry, I'm gonna have to leave you. Dumbledore'll be wanting his...well, he'll be wanting to see me. Now, uh, your train leaves in 10 minutes. Here's your ticket. Stick to it, Harry that's very important. Stick to your ticket."

With that he vanishes into the crowd.

 _/So he leaves an 11 year old kid, who he knows has no knowledge of magic, on his own, in a busy train station full of 'muggles', with a ticket saying Platform 9¾, and 10 minutes to spare? I feel I can trust this man with my life/_

 _/Luckily I know where I'm going/_

Pushing his cart of luggage, Saiki subtly walks into the wall, appearing on the platform full of families and adolescents.

He takes care of his luggage and promptly takes a seat in an empty compartment.

Not long after the train starts moving Saiki starts to consider the possability on teleporting to the castle rather than having to deal with the oncoming senario.

/ _Seems I cannot rid myself of the narrative no matter how hard I try, not that I've been doing a very goo job/_

As he feared the fiery haired boy slides his compartment door open.

"Excuse me, do you mind? Everywhere else is full." He asks, awkward.

"If you must." He managed to not roll his eyes or sigh and is quite proud of himself.

The boy sits across from him, apparantly not seeing any spite in Saiki's words.

"I'm Ron, by the way. Ron Weasley."

In his contemplation of how much he regrets ever deciding to help these people (read "idiots") he almost says 'Yes I know'.

"Harry.", He manages, hoping Ron won't pry for his-

"Harry, what?"

-surname...

At that moment Saiki stops caring for acting. _He is done._ Officially.

"Potter," He states matter-of-factly.

The boy across from him gapes.

"So-so it's true?! I mean, do you really have the...the..." He trails off akwardly.

Saiki lifts the fringe of black hair from his forehead, revealing the oddly shaped scar.

 _/Magic/_

"Wicked."

 _/Is that really how you want to go about this? So insensitive. I mean the parents I never knew and don't know anything about died 11 years ago. Those wounds have yet to heal/_

A trolley comes by the compartment, full of sweets. This rips Saiki from his thoughts, _/Time to reward myself for the torment I've been put through/_

" Anything off the trolley, dears?"

"No, thanks, I'm all set. ", Ron mumbles as he spins a mutilated, um.. Sandwich? In his hands.

"Some of everything." Suddenly pleased that he took so much from his vault, he hands the lady the money.

"Whoa!"

 _/I know what you're thinking and you're not getting any/_ He thinks as the handles the goods, not looking Ron in the face.

* * *

Some time into the journey, Saiki thinks Ron isn't as bad company as he first thought. _/Still an idiot though, but then again every one is./_ Not as obnoxious or loud as his previous companions.

Ron's rat, named Scabbers, sits atop his red hair. _/Another one to look out for, first Voldemort himself, now Peter Pettigrew. You have terrible taste in pets Ron/_

As Saiki continues digging into his haul, now reduces to mostly wrappers, he pickes up a box of candy beans.

"Careful with those. When they say every flavor they mean every flavor." The red-head warns.

 _/If there are no coffee jello beans I will sue/_

He decides to experiment with the beans on a later date as to not risk throwing up half a trolley of sweets due to some bad luck. _/Which I seem to be jinxed with/_

He instead moves his attention towards a package of chocolate frog. He stares at the package for a while, regarding the monstrosity. _/Do I really want to eat this?/_

"Don't worry, it's only a spell. Besides, it's the cards you want. Each pack's got a famous witch or wizard. I got about 500 meself."

 _/Why do you seem so proud of yourself, for some reason./_

"You can have it", He hands the peculiar food to Ron who not-so-graciously accepts it.

"Thanks!"

The long forgotten rat atop Ron's head squeaks at the sudden movement.

"This is Scabbers, by the way, pitiful, isn't he?", The boy says as he handles the 'rat'.

Saiki nods his head slightly _/You have no idea/_

"Fred gave me a spell as to turn him yellow. Want to see?"

While Saiki doubts the validity of the spell he has no real way of knowing if it is real or fake.

"Go on then."

Clearing his throught he begins, "Ahem. Sun-"

And is promply interupted as the carrige door slides open to reveal a bushy haired girl.

 _/I didn't know Hagrid's beard had it's own body/_

"Has anyone seen a toad? A boy named Neville's lost one."

Ron answers first, "No."

Before Saiki can stop her Hemione speaks.

"Oh, are you doing magic? Let's see then."

 _/Guess you don't care about the toad anymore/_

Ron complies anyway, "Aghhhemm. Sunshine, daises, butter mellow, turn this stupid fat rat yellow!"

Nothing happens.

 _/Surprise, surprise/_ Saiki is too busy being unimpressed giving up on the future generation of wizards to see the young witch's tangent coming.

"Are you sure that's a real spell? Well, it's not very good, is it? Of course I've only tried a few simple spells myself, and they've all worked for me. "

 _/Well, hurrah for modesty/_

It is then she notices 'Harry's' scar.

"Holy Cricket, you're Harry Potter. I'm Hermione Granger...and you are...?"

 _/What kind of expression is that?/_

"I'm...Ron Weasley." The words being muffles by the food in his mouth.

"Pleasure. You two better change into your robes. I expect we'll be arriving soon. " She gets up and leaves,but then comes back and looks towards Ron. "You've got dirt, on your nose, by the way, did you know? Just there. "

She points to the chocolate staining Ron's nose, which he brushes away embarrased.

* * *

The sky is dark as the train pulls into the station. Saiki and Ron exit the train and their gazes are draw by the sound of shouting.

"Right, then! First years! This way, please! Come on, now, don't be shy! Come on now, hurry up!"

Well Ron in drawn in but Saiki just tries to block out the frantic thoughts of the 11 year old crowd. _/Great, the responsible adult who left me at the station by myself will be taking a bunch of kids across a not-so-safe lake/_

Ron walks up to Hagrid and Saiki reluctantly follows.

"Hello, Harry.", He greet with his warm smile. / _It's surprisingly genuine/_ He must admit.

"Yes hello.", Saiki answers and blends in with the crowd of first years.

"Right then. This way to the boats! Come on, now, follow me." The half giant commands as he leads them down a path.

Sticking with Ron saiki boards the small boat.

 _/Better stick with him than meet anyone else/_

The small fleet pulls it's self over the lake. A castle soon comes into view and gasps of awe are heard all round.

* * *

The children soon find themselves navigating the stone walls of the castle. They're approached by a tall woman wearing a green robe and pointy hat.

 _/Why must they be so cliche/_

Once she gets the groups attention she begins he speech.

"Welcome to Hogwarts. Now, in a few moments, you will pass through these doors and join your classmates. But before you can take your seats you must be sorted into your houses. They are Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff, and Slytherin. Now, while you are here, your house will be like your family. Your triumphs will earn you house points. Any rule breaking, and you will lose points. At the end of the year, the house with the most points is awarded the house cup."

A loud croak sounded and all occupants of the hallway looked towards a scared lookin boy, holding his toad in his cupped hands.

"Sorry" He calls out with an abashed smile.

 _/You're welcome/_ After Hermione left he discreetly returned the toad ,Trevor, to his owner. Not having the patience for any more bullshit to be caused by the misplaced pet.

"The sorting ceremony will begin momentarily." McGonagall finishes and leaves.

 _/My nu-senses are tingling/_ Saiki thinks as Draco Malfoy creeps up to him, grin on his face.

"It's true then, what they're saying on the-"

"If you're going to offer me money I don't want any."

Draco appears shocked but quickly recovers. "Actually I was going to offer you my aquaintenceship"

"Hmmm, No, still don't want any."

"Do you know who I am. I'm Malfoy, Draco Malfoy."

He heares ron snickering, "Think my name's funny, do you? No need to ask yours. Red hair, and a hand me down robe? You must be a Weasley."

Before things can escalate McGonagall reappeares and smacks Malfoy on the shoulder with some paper.

 _/I like her. Lets hope she doesn't spoil it./_

"We're ready for you now."

With that she leads the group through two large doors and into the Great Hall. The first years stare at the starry projection on the roof and hoard of floating candles.

 _/Congrats, looks like you made a whole in the ceiling. Surely these kids have looked at the sky at some point in their lives?/_

"It's not real, the ceiling. It's just bewitched to look like the night sky. I read about it in Hogwarts: A History." Hermione explains out of nowhere.

 _/Thank you captain obvious. Although I wouldn't be surprised if they did just make a whole in the roof/_

"All right, will you wait along here, please? Now, before we begin, Professor Dumbledore would like to say a few words."

The man named Dumbledore rises from his seat at the front of the room and begins his speech.

"I have a few start of term notices I wish to announce. The first years please note that the dark forest is strictly forbidden to all students. Also, our caretaker, Mr. Filch has asked me to remind you that the 3rd floor corridor on the right hand side is out of bounds to everyone who does not wish to die a most painful death. Thank you."

 _/Don't worry you're not welcome. Really who let kids come to this place/_

"When I call your name, you will come forth, I shall place the sorting hat on your head, and you will be sorted into your houses. Hermione Granger."

She mumbles something and walks to the stool. Sitting on it.

"Ah, right then...hmm...right. Okay...Gryffindor!"

The room cheers and the process repeats.

Saiki mainly ignores the ceremony, mainly wandering which house will grant him the least attention. From what he can tell he would most likely be chosen for Slytherin, but that house seems like a taboo and therefore should be avoided. The worse attention he could get was the negative kind.

Hupplepuff came to mind as it was the house with least people in it. However the whole house was full of people that would likely pry into his life or, like his old 'friends', would not leave him alone.

Ravenclaw had people who seemed bareable, unfortunately that was a house for the smart. Every one there had top grades. This would mean he would need to achieve good grades or be disowned by the entire house, meaning endless pestering and people trying to tutor him to improve house image.

So he decides that Griffindor is the lesser of four evils. And seeing as he is acquainted with Ron he didn't need to get to know anyone else.

His train of thought is derailed when hi name is called.

"Harry Potter."

Everything goes silent. Saiki walks up and sits down, wearing his best dead-pan for the occasion.

"Have your mind set on Griffindor do you? Oh but you seem to be a good fit for Slytherin."

"No that's fine. I don't mind if I'm not very siutable."

"Oh no Potter. You have courage to spare. Other than your irrational fear of insects that is."

"Griffindor!" The Hat announces.

The Griffindor table erupts into cheer as Saiki calmly wanders towards where Ron is sat, dead-pan and all.

As he sits McGonagall dinga a cup. "Your attention, please."

"Let the feast...begin."

Food appears on the table the students begin to dig in.

Saiki waits for desert.

-I think this is the longest chapter so far. Please review, it helps a lot. Also sorry if anything seems OOC


	4. Chapter 4

p style="text-align: center;"strongSorry dudes. I'm starting this again, I'll leave it up but won't continue it. I you like the idea and want to continue it feel free to adopt the story. Sorry again for any inconvenience./strong /p 


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